In a sunburnt country…

…they are apparently fatter than ever. And, finally, the good old US of A is no longer the world’s fattest nation! Whoo-hoo!

Whew! Hang on a sec, got to catch my breath while I finish this Cornetto.

OK, anyway, it seems that our neighbors to the extreme southeast have finally surpassed us in the much-reviled category of Lard-Assiest Nation. I’ve always been inclined to believe Aussies were all fit and bronzed and lovely, what with the tans and the surfing and the hair like spun gossamer from Heaven’s golden spinnerets. Nicole Kidman, Hugh Jackman, even the unfathomable combination of Carrot Top and Paulie Shore known as Yahoo Serious – all of them are trim and talented and brimming with the stored-up sunshine that comes from living Down Under (although in Yahoo’s case, I’m guessing he IS obese, it’s just that all the fat went to his head, where it is chemically altered into Bozo hair and bad comedy).

Upon further reflection, however, it may be that the expat Aussies (all right, Kidman’s a Kiwi, but let’s not split hairs like the Australians are apparently splitting their pants) fled their native lands to maintain their shape, and avoid eating things like this:

Burgers, in ring form. Yeah, that's a little weird, dude.

It\'s blerrrrgh-licious!

It's all your favorite seafood flavors, now in...sorry, I just threw up.

I’m not sure if the Imperialist mindset has been updated sufficiently to include the Aborigines in this study, but like any number of other invaded parties over the history of mankind, they get a pass from me because I’d drink/overeat/accept a role in a Paul Hogan movie too if it distracted me from the fact that gibbering foreigners invaded my home and kicked me to the curb.


4 Responses

  1. Salmon and Lobster fish spread?

    No. Thank. You.

  2. The worst part is the underline description: “Fish Spread.”

    FINALLY, the taste of catfood in an easy-to-spread paste I can put on a cracker!

    And then feed to my enemies.


  3. […] you’re afraid you’ve ruptured something important. Now that Australia has claimed Fatso Prime status, we owe it to ourselves to avoid retaking the […]

  4. […] obese go-tards, waddling our way toward ever-growing waistlines and ever-shrinking sophistication (although not as fat as some countries we could mention). But at least when we go somewhere, we can get our hamburger the way we want it. I have a friend […]

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