Who the %$^#! is Claire?

I’m a 30-something Hispanic transwoman (read as: MtF Transsexual) living in Ohio. That’s right, Ohio. I’m into art, poetry and prose. I’m a published poet, would-be novelist, and harried artist just trying to make it through in this crazy world.

Things I like:

Robin Meade and Morning Express, although Robin Meade improves everything exponentially, and I would gladly spend my time watching her talk about anything – including NASCAR, a topic that normally makes me want to jam fondue forks into my ears until the vroom goes away. Robin, when you get tired of all the glamor at Headline News and that husband or whatever, my door is open.

Wide open.

Seriously.

Music. All the time. Frank Zappa said “Without music to decorate it, time is just a series of deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.” Amen, brother. I like the Scissor Sisters, Los Amigos Invisibles, Beth Orton, Rufus Wainwright, Jane Monheit, Ojos de Brujo, Patty Griffin, and about a million more.

Literature. There’s no way to list everything I like to read. Must…know…everything…

Art. My personal media are computer art, charcoals and pen-and-ink, but I love and respect art of all kinds. If you have a chance to see R. Kenton Nelson‘s work, take it, yo.

Nintendo Wii. Yeah, it’s shiny and plasticine and sparkly…but then again, I like all that, so suck it, “hardcore” gamers – after all, we are talking about VIDEO GAMES, right?

Tea. Oh, delicious morning beverage, how I adore you and your somewhat sluttier sister, coffee. Tea is delicious anytime, anywhere, in any context, except perhaps at a wine tasting, where one is sniffed at ostentatiously for actually swallowing one’s beverage. My personal favorites come from Stash Tea and Numi Tea, although weirdly the Lapsang Souchong from Twinings (I know, crazy, right? They make grandma tea, for Pete’s sake!) is smoky, delicious and makes your office smell like you went camping over the weekend and slept downwind of the campfire the entire time.

Nigella Lawson. I’m not sure why her cooking show isn’t on Cinemax, but who wants to look a deep-fried Bounty Bar in the mouth? Not I.

Bust Magazine. Their cups runneth over with awesomeness…when Jane devolved into a hundred-page advert and, consequently, bit the dust, I turned to Bust (what else is new, har, har, hee, hee – shut up).

Things I Don’t Like:

Idiots. There are far, far, too many. Perhaps some sort of “Most Dangerous Game” scenario would be appropriate to deal with the mouth-breathing hordes. Then again, maybe we could just put a Wal-Mart in the middle of a lake of fire with no bridges and let the problem solve itself.

Wow, I really thought I disliked more things than that. I guess all of my searing hatred can be directly traced to the actions of idiots. Huh.

6 Responses

  1. Love the Scissor Sisters. Never knew there was a “Bust” magazine. Thank you for enlightening me. XOXO

  2. Hallo Claire, Awesome blog! And thank you for linking to mine.

    This worm has been wending his way through your post on “toning, stretching and sculpting” and is grateful it’s not something he needs to put himself through. After all, why mess with perfection? 😉 Bendyness is definitely a noble goal, though, and it sounds as if you and I both started out with an advantage.

    On the more serious side, your Transgender Primer is truly awe-inspiring. It’s funny, full of insight and very very wise. I think that everyone who reads it will emerge slightly or fundamentally changed.

    Except, perhaps, for the emus.

    I’m going to add you to my blogroll right now, as a fellow traveller through this wormhole we call life.

  3. My stomach hurts from laughing so much at your sarcastic rants. You need a show or something – seriously. Those tongue in cheek, descriptive comments are truly hilarious!

  4. You are a breath of fresh air in a pretty stale world.I love it!

  5. I’ve missed Nigella for some time, now, and yeah. That stuff she does to food is straight up pornographic. I love it.

  6. Hi Honey,

    just wanted you to know I was here…

    I read the guest blogger and some of your thoughts too.

    REALLY enjoyed the Easter reflections!!!

    Love You So….

    mom

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